Added: Cybil Bibler - Date: 24.07.2021 00:10 - Views: 11196 - Clicks: 4047
Legions of people are looking for true, lasting love-and not finding it. If you want to know how to find your true love, my first advice would be to stay away from any dating advice with a superficial fixation on looks, games and gimmicks. So, what I want to say first, is that love really matters. Love matters hugely. And all this nonsense about oh you should be just fine alone and anything else is codependent, is just not true. Without intimacy we wither. And the intimacy journey, is the greatest journey of our lives. On some level, we all know how much love matters.
But, even with that explosion, the of single people is not shrinking. Even with this explosion, the of single people is growing. Why is that? In fact, most of what we learn about finding love actually le us away from real love. The skills of true dating are the skills of intimacy. And the way we look for love, actually usually determines the kind of love that we find. I know it is a psychotherapist, who specializes in this issue, and who has worked with people over decades, and who has made a commitment to hone my understanding of what really works, to find beautiful, soul filling, health love.
And my knowledge of this path also comes from my journey, as someone who was, what I call, chronically single for decades and decades and decades, until I met my wonderful husband and I formed a beautiful life and a beautiful family with him. But God what I had to learn because I was one of the worst daters I knew. I was looks bound. But God knows I looked and I looked and I looked. I looked through sex. I looked through apps. I looked through websites. And I felt willing to stop the kind of patterns I was so stuck in. Were they easy to change? Absolutely not. And did I do it all at once?
Oh no. Would my husband agree? Yes he would. People who are willing to grow. Who know they need to grow and who are willing to. I hope you find a home here, a home that changes your life for the better. We have all been victims of horrible dating advice. The list is endless. Taking that outside-in approach is like looking at ourselves through a funhouse mirror. Our flaws become amplified.
We pick at our flaws. So much dating advice also gives us a really mixed message. Act more confident, but be vulnerable at the same time. Women: be powerful. But not so powerful you scare men away. Men: be sensitive. And then only, only choose people who treasure what they see when we do that. That is the wiser path to love. And that tiny practice is going to help bring insight and compassion and change in positive ways to your dating life.
It will help you re-steer your dating life in a way that heals you, and empowers you, and le you more directly to love. And it will open doors for you. But first let me share four keys that have the power to transform your search for love. And that brings us, that question, brings us to the first key, which is discovering what I call your Core Gifts. They are your places of deepest sensitivity and deepest passion. And those qualities, those qualities where we feel the most joy and the qualities where we can be hurt the most, these most tender vulnerable true parts of our being, are the parts that early on we kind of pack away or we airbrush them into something that we think is going to make us more popular.
But those qualities are the raw material of a happy life. They are where our soul lives. And here is an amazing formula that I have found to be very true. But the opposite is true as well. Or your authenticity, if you prefer that word. It turns out that our deepest insecurities surround our most tender or passionate parts. Those are the parts that are closest to our true nature, and those parts which I call our Core Gifts, are the parts that draw healthy love and sustain it. But as long as we hide them, we will never be able to help them mature, to help them grow up, to help them live in the world with generosity and discrimination and bravery, which are the qualities they need, to become who they need to be.
So the first stage in this journey is to begin to name and discover your core gifts. And when you make the decision to treasure those parts of you, your world will change, your life will change and your dating life will change. I was born in the mids and I grew up in the 50s and the 60s and the 70s as a gay kid, with a really tender heart and a deeply creative spirit, and no place in the world for me at all that I could discover. And let me just say one thing. This is not a podcast for gay people or straight people or transgender people or bisexual people. This is a podcast for everybody.
I felt like it was the deepest shameful thing to be me. But especially earlier on in their life when they were still that close to the horror of the Holocaust, strength was everything to them. Protection was everything to them. And my softness scared the living hell out of them. So I learned to have my softness scare the hell out of me. And I grew up inside loving those parts of myself, but somewhere else inside despising them, and that reflected in my search for love. And I spent decades unable to find my true love.
I found a lot of sex. I found a lot of guys that were interested in me. And I found a lot of guys that I was interested in. But those two never really matched up. Because the people who had good hearts and stability and decency, well I ran from them as fast as I could. And that was sad but it was true. Slowly though, I began to have to face reality. I began to have to face the fact that as busy as my life was, there was a kind of loneliness that was eating me alive. As I began to face all the ways that I was fleeing love, harder than I was searching for it, I had to begin to turn those things around.
And when I did that, all of a sudden I began to meet people who also treasured them. The second stage, the second key to this journey is actually to learn to educate your attractions, again and again. Most of us become attracted to similar kinds of people. So in simplest terms, we could really kind of think that there are two types of attractions: Attractions of deprivation and attractions of inspiration.
What are those?Looking for true love
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